ALONE v.1.2

How does one reproach indolence, or unsteadiness (or unsleepiness for that matter)?

I usually become online for more hours than usual, even into the wee hours of the morning. That’s when Internet had finally been injected into my routinely life. In the years past, I usually retreat into lonesomeness, like seeking a harbor from everything that shakes my disposition, about everything I believe in on what life and existence should ought to be, to be free from disturbances or alien thought. But such is life, truthfully stranger in many ways than we all have thought of it in the beginning.

Sometimes, everything that we believe in just cracked up and fades into the wind, like smashing them down into oblivion, and be gone forever, not to be retrieved once more – ever. That is keenly sad that way, and we have no option whatsoever but to be merely slaves to the dictates of the surroundings we thrive upon, and to everything that happens within and without us. We become subservient this way, when life ought to be free and even as many wise men says, we ought to put our lives into our own hands, but our hands is just that, grasping water that we could not take hold of, that it is just better to let go or be completely unreasonable.

I once talked about depression in some of my writings in the past and had described it as akin to trying to hold water in one’s own hands. When depression sets in, there’s just not many options that anybody could do. Maybe, it’s depression I am experiencing now, not merely lethargy or indolence.

So I go back into myself, into the aloneness I seek. In the past, I would simply let this aloneness be my own harbor, like my own self is the best harbor more than anyone else, the aloneness that understand me like nobody else does, better than the most wise of mortals.